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I Am An Exit

by Born Gold

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1.
Abdomen 03:27
Abdomen you’re always glad for discontent but don’t ever let it be faceless no, let’s pin its abdomen to the wall your wound is not a lazy smile and life is not a stylish film but we can get so close if the lighting is right you’re always glad for discontent but don’t ever let it be faceless no, let’s pin its abdomen to the wall never spoil a winning tryst you shoplifter, thieving virgins sipping boys’ young blood and dreaming of art to a dream from a lack, as simple as that first he hit you, then you forgot it till he held you up by the neck once the tiny black dots had started you just could not stop laughing
2.
Hunger 03:07
Hunger dear dear you should know that i’ve become vain or maybe i just care for little things i think that’s a change dear dear you should know each crease of my mind how i hate to be clear when all beauty is silent this must be a change now i can almost tell how long you’ve kept me ill but still the hunger rises from the hunger my bones are bending from how sick you’ve kept me love but still the hunger rises from the hunger dear dear you should know that i’m trying to leave my blood has dried black and the wallpaper’s peeling i think that’s a change dear dear you should know that i’m doing alright treading water for days in an ocean of night
3.
Gasoline Bath my love is a miser’s love i save it, i save it you took a bath with gasoline and your skin is barely dry stillborn in an oil slick sweet angel of asphalt what i’d give to watch you crawl beneath red heaven’s pyre when i see you i get vertigo a thought’s brought to its knees like a mirror indiscernible through the blossoms of gasoline and of course i’ve said too much because i still feel the same how can you think that we should love when we were both made for i don’t want to feel your love or daylight, daylight at all sometimes, the words you say i can barely even mouth in a thousand prisms and more hours to gaze through their cuts i won’t find the freeness of your form in my own lines
4.
Clever Animals we beautiful chameleons look you in the eye while we change our shape i could never respect your consonance: my jaw’s too wide to want one thing we beautiful chameleons laughing in the dark while we stalk our prey i’ll admit sometimes i'm hideous: that's just the price of being brave not to walk on water but to dance on air we beautiful chameleons swimming through the dust that the breathing shed why be safe when we could be colorful: let virtue take her sacred nap we beautiful chameleons singing into wounds that are freshly traced it pays to be a clever animal, but thinking's just forgetting anyway
5.
Strange Wind 03:03
Strange Wind we slip through the night like thieves god’s small mistakes this world is not for us now anyway barely feel your touch at all or a word you hiss ride this strange wind blowing through us oh dangerous yes give me your desperation and still my trembling bones dull bells from the deep are tolling and our age is starting to show if we fight, it we fight it but just tonight bedspread over shattered glass glowstick cigarette sky’s sleepless endless mouth snows down glowing ash and there’s everything but mirrors inside our flat all we do here is get lost oh dangerous yes
6.
I Am the Bent Blade i am the bent blade i cut one at a time my eyes are open but you can’t reach my mind temperance faded and edges serrated i am the bent blade i will make you mine when deep midnight buries day we are lawless, or so we say turn your eyes from all the cries that try to reach you i am the bent blade i cut one at a time naked at birth but well dressed by demise ambition's wet gums are trembling on your neck i am the bent blade i will make you mine when deep midnight buries day we are lawless, or so we say when deep midnight buries day a joy for which i have no name turn your eyes from all the cries that try to reach you.
7.
Boy Foundry 02:55
Boy Foundry solitude is life’s brightest fire, but we’re afraid of the slightest scald you would rather ravage yourself than not speak of yourself at all do you remember my surrender’s first blush? no thing more vile than eyes that adore you because what is a man with nothing left to hide am i too weak to be wicked? i hope you never know. when you see my face in a world of masks, does it look the same? self-control is nothing but my tired vanity on display everything has a slow decay but contempt’s bloom is forever am i too weak to be wicked? i hope you never know if i bore you i can never forgive you.
8.
No Reflection dress up my bones with your hungry stare i cant tell your breath from the sober air. the heaves and the moans of your ancient sighs and black young devil’s eyes, dead model eyes. never say a word that doesn’t sweat. you told me. did i pass through fire to the smile that shows the caverns of your skull in the screen’s dull glow disaster and joy always nearby and black young devil’s eyes, dead model eyes. your spine's little chicken wing a twisted gray wisp you should hunch from each end but a frame built in ash isn’t likely to bend. your split little cloven hooves, the desert's rolling corpse and i’m still out of sorts.
9.
Braille 03:03
Braille our figures are the same stretched thin and pale and i know my skin will wilt so i touch yours like braille “i can always find my way out” you whisper in a playful vow i dont know if you’ll remember me the lies that you told me were memories our wrinkles are the same i’ve scoured so closely i’ve seen the thought light up your face but the words have stone feet can you find your way out when walls have passed to dust and clouds and a monsoon’s rising? death’s little whistle is tonedeaf.
10.
Butcher 04:23
Butcher young love how will you know the bowels of my malice young love how will you know the exit that i am young love how will you know that my gift’s a tiny violence young love how will you know that i’m acting like a man so fall into my trap fair scorpion, so rapt but i wont i won’t i won’t look smart when you smile so take the kind words back be a mirror over sand cause i want i want i want only your abandon young love how will you know the chasm of ambition young love how will you know the fissure of the win young love how will you know the streets i swam to lose you young love how will you know that i’m acting like a man young love how will you know that my gift’s a tiny violence.

credits

released October 8, 2013

Written, performed, recorded and produced by Cecil Frena. /// Additional sampled instrumentation by Eric Cheng, Jay Rattman, Janet Sora, Doug Hoyer, Mary Wood. /// Mixed by Justin Gerrish. Mastered by Real Cardinal. /// Artwork by Leslie Predy. Art direction by Cecil Frena. /// borngold.us /// Thanks to all.

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